Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
