I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
