do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
