At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
