She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
