his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
