hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to calm my uterus...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
