Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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