i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
