i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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