You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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