it wasn't lemon gatorade
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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