On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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