This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Randomize
