You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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