Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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