He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
