Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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