I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
