Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
