he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
