she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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