I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
