ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
