my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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