In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
