A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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