remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize