I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
