This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
