Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
