he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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