This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
