I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
