sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
