I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
