I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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