Don't you send me to vm
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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