sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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