you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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