When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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