i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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