i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
