Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
