I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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