you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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