I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
