You're my little dorito
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
