I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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