His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
