one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
