I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
