I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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