I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
