He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
