Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
