that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
