Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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