Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
